Abusive men seem to think there is a reason behind every woman’s actions and words. They are always under the assumptions that women are trying to influence them. Often, they accuse a woman of doing things she is not guilty of and they are easily irritated by her, especially when she is in a good mood. These men may feel they love these women but emotionally they do not “like” them. The most important aspect of any relationship should be mutual respect. Unfortunately abusive men always strive to project themselves in a favorable light and put women down. They thrive on making a woman feel inferior in all things. The object is to tear her down to make her feel weak, insecure and co-dependent. It is a double-edged sword: a no win situation or a do or die situation. The woman spends years trying to prove that she is not bad but they are kept on deaf ears. No matter what she does, he doesn’t care so it is futile for her to try to prove she is worthwhile.
According to the Department of Justice, recent study shows that two thirds of all marriages will experience domestic violence at least once in their life time. One shocking discovery from a study found that 37% of pregnant women, across all class, race, and educational lines, were abused physically during pregnancy. In all there are 4,000,000 women who are assaulted by their partners.
When it comes to discussing about abusive men, the most popular name, which comes to everybody’s mind, is Mike Tyson. This is because he has been involved in a series of accusations, which are often the tell-tale signs of an abusive man. He has two divorces, a rape conviction and other sexual assault accusations to his credit. He always asserts that a female reporter should not interview him unless he “fornicates with them.”
Here are the Top 10 Ways to Spot an Abusive Man.
1. He has a history of drug abuse and/or alcohol, and possibly violence.
2. He has record of being arrested for domestic violence. Do your homework and if possible the background check to know more about him. According to a poll of over 500 women on WomanSavers.com, over 50% of women google a person’s name before dating.
3. He has a poor or no relationship with his mother or ex partners.
4. He speaks negatively about all his past relationships, blaming them always. If at all possible, try to speak to these women to hear their point of view. If he badmouths them, you may be next.
5. He exhibits an over-bearing, aggressive personality. You may be attracted by his apparent confidence, strength, determination and aggressive personality – the kind of qualities you think you lack. However, this personality type can also be a red flag for abusive behavior.
6. He talks at length, bragging about himself. This self-obsessed behavior is frequently seen in abusive men.
7. He expects a big return on his venture. He may seem happy to put your needs and wishes first for a little while, but it will not be long before he throws it in your face by saying: “Look at everything I do for you. You owe me!”
8. The relationship moves forward very quick. Abusive men persuade as fast as they can. They know that they cannot sustain consistent good behavior for very long. Good behavior does not give them the pay off they want, controlling through abuse does.
9. You catch him telling lies. There are areas of his life that he is not telling you about or is lying to you about because he may lose you.
10. He is interested in everything you have to say and coincidentally always agrees. This is a sneaky technique called mirroring and can later be used to control you by developing trust.
Any of the above must be considered as an important warning sign of an Abusive Men. If you hear any alarms going off in your head, listen to them carefully and act on them. An ounce of prevention can avert a lifetime of heartache.